Childless Mother

I am a childless mother.
There is an empty hole in my heart
Where my child is supposed to be.
Where there should be squeals and laughter
There is nothing but mind-numbing silence.
And look, there, in the corner sitting idly,
Waiting, is a child's rocker, my rocker-
The rocker that I used to sit in and imagine
Rocking my baby instead of just a doll.
And I realize, that as empty as that rocker seems,
My arms feel even heavier with the emptiness.
How can emptiness feel so heavy?
That emptiness carries my broken dreams,
My disappointments, my resentment.
Flutterby kisses never shared,
Laughter never heard,
Tears never brushed away
All weigh more than a child ever will.
There is an empty hole in my heart
Where my child is supposed to be.
I am a childless mother.

by Louise C. Taylor, Copyright 1997